Wednesday, January 14, 2009

Music is what feelings sound like. - Author Unknown

"I had to let you go. I had to say goodbye. No more excuses. No more tears to cry."

"I won't write you a love song 'cause you asked for it. 'Cause you need one. You see?"

"Sing us a song, you're the piano man."

"Maybe it's intuition but some things you just don't question. Like in your eyes I see my future in an instant, and there it goes. I think I've found my best friend."

"And I wonder if I could fall into the sky do you think time would pass me by? 'Cause you know I'd walk a thousand miles if I could just see you tonight."

Music is so personal. You can search through millions of songs and hear exactly what you're going through, or something extremely close that hits home. Or you don't even have to find lyrics that match what you're thinking, but you can hear a melody that strikes a chord in your brain.

But music can also change the mood that you're in. People listen to music when they're trying to get pumped up for an evening out on the town, or when they're going to the gym to get motivated, or to get over a breakup. All the different songs can alter how you're feeling and change what the night will look like. Listening to a few depressing songs before you go out with friends could make the going out part seem less enticing and getting into pj's and eating ice cream a much more appealing option.

I've been sitting in my bed for a few hours now listening to whatever Pandora is sending my way all on the suggestion of the song "Hollywood's Not America" by Ferras. It's been playing Billy Joel, Ben Folds, Death Cab for Cutie, Sara Bareilles...all people that have upbeat songs. And yet, the songs that have been playing have kind of made me feel the need to get into my pajamas and never get out of them. Luckily, I have no real reason to be depressed at the moment, so I'm not actually planning on doing that, but its interesting to see how much a song can influence your brain. Or my brain, anyway.

I really like that though. I like that I can change my mood just by changing my playlist. All I have to do is listen to "Out Tonight" from Rent or "I Will Survive" or "Girls Just Want to Have Fun" and I feel ready for a night out. I just need to turn up the sound of a few upbeat tunes, and I'm ready to go. At the same time, if I'm looking for a mellow night, I just need to listen to "Begin" by Ben Lee, or some Savage Garden (because...PLEASE, most of their songs are mellow/sad) and I'm content. If I'm sad I can just put on some "What Hurts the Most" by Rascall Flats or "White Horse" by Taylor Swift, or "Leave The Pieces" by the Wreckers (or any country song!) and I can dwell in my sadness for as long as I need to.

Music is so mind stimulating. So...thanks songwriters. Keep it up.

Tuesday, January 6, 2009

Only one day at time...if only...

So, its the new year. We've been in 2009 for six whole days, but I can already feel things changing. The new year always brings new hopes, dreams, desires, fantasies...and fears. When it comes to me, its mostly fears.

I'm always so afraid to look too far in the future, but end up doing it anyway. I try to make plans three months in advance, or even a year in advance, but somehow things always end up changing and I get upset. I'm most terrified of looking too far into this semester, because I'm worried something will end up happening and my life will turn sour.

Things are so good for me right now: I have some really great friends, a boyfriend who loves me, a new semester of fresh classes, and a whole bunch of opportunities that have just opened up to me. But I have this nagging feelings that something awful is just around the corner.

I have reasons for this. Things always change just when I start getting comfortable.

But this year I'm extra nervous for an entirely different reason. I'm graduating. I'm going to be going out into the real world, with real people, and (maybe) getting a job. I'm jumping out of this safety net of college, where meeting people is (supposedly) easy, and you can hardly keep track of the number of parties you go to, and things are readily available to you. Once you're out, who knows if you have the same kind of luxuries?

I went home for Hannukah and New Years, and that was hard. Not only did I realize that I really don't want to move back there, but I had to constantly think about what was coming up next for me. People kept asking what I'm going to do once I get out. "What can you do with a musical theatre degree? Be a waitress?" Or they'd ask what the boyfriend and I are going to do. And I honestly have no idea. Who knows if its even going to last that long?

Ugh, see what I mean? I'm so...pessimistic about the future. I wish I knew how to take life one day at a time. Because there are so many good things too. I still have a good 3 and a half months before I graduate. I still have time to hang out with all the people I've made friends with these past four years (and especially these last few semesters). I still have time to learn so many things. I still have time to find out more about myself while in college. I still have time to pull all nighters for fun.

I still have time to do so much, and yet...the fear still lingers.