Half as happy...

What has changed since the 1940's to now that makes divorce rates so high? My grandparents have been married since 1947 and are still just as in love today as they were when they got married. When I think of marriage among the older generation, all I can picture is happy married life. Almost every older couple I know is still married, or unfortunately widowed. When I look at my parent's generation, however, that is not the case.

I was always one of the luckier ones, with my parents still being married, but more than half of my friends when I was growing up came from divorced families. I never really speculated on why that was - why should I? My family was happy, so I didn't feel the need to. But now I've kind of begun to think about it.

What happened to love that made it so easy for couples to separate or even get divorced? Did the rise of technology instigate the fall of marriage? Technology was supposed to help communication, but it seems like it ruined it in some cases - especially when it comes to television. Families spend so much time in front of a TV set, so it seems like no one feels the need to talk anymore. Instead of just having it on as background noise, it's front and center and what everyone pays attention to. Family dinners where conversations used to take place about one's day have turned into watching something just because it's on at the same time. I'm not innocent in this either, I watch way too much TV than is probably healthy. But I still make sure that I'm communicating and not just solely focused on watching television.

I wonder if I asked my grandparents how they've stayed happy all these years they'd know the answer. And I'm not naive, I know there have also been dark times, but these are greatly outweighed by the good. I hope when I'm their age, I'll look back and know I was at least half as happy as they were.

"Write drunk, edit sober." - Ernest Hemingway

I was never really into writing when I was younger. Sure, I wrote the occasional story or script down, but I never thought anything of it. When I was 11 or 12, I used to have conversations with friends in the car and write down all the topics we had covered. But I never really thought about writing that much.

I remember one instance, when I was in 9th grade, were we were talking about Dante's Inferno. We were given the assignment of writing a story about hell of some sort. I remember slaving over that story for the entire class period, and when the bell rang, I wasn't even halfway through. My main character hadn't even made it all the way down, but I had to end it because I had run out of time. After that, I tried not to use as much detail in the stories I wrote, because I was always afraid I would run out of time. Actually, if we're being realistic, I didn't write much after that. I didn't think what I was writing was interesting enough.

I always had a journal or a diary, but I never put much information in it because I was always afraid someone would be reading it. Which, inevitably happened on multiple occasions - both my mom and my younger brother went through my room and read it during different stages in my life. I was, of course, always on livejournal. Always aware of my ever changing privacy, I had 5 (maybe 6?) different journals, each one more private than the next.

But writing never really came that easy to me. I would write if I was bored, or if I was exceptionally upset (which happened ridiculously often during high school). I would write if I had something to say but had no one to tell it to. I didn't really write if I was happy. I felt like livejournal wasn't a place that you could really be happy, which was weird. And whenever I go back to the journals that I wrote or read during high school, I would always have the high school feeling wash over me and I would end up feeling more upset than when I started, even if I was just trying to reminisce.

Writing still isn't one of my easiest skills, but I try to do it more. I'm always worried I'll end up offending someone, even though I'm allowed to have my own thoughts. Maybe I should take Ernest Hemingway's advice and drink when I think I want to write.

Love Letters

I have never had a love letter written to me. I don't blame that on anyone that I've dated, though. The fact is, most of the guys I've dated haven't exactly been writer-ly inclined. (Yeah, I know that's not a word. Oh well.)

I think the closest I ever came was a note from a guy named Dustin who I had met through MySpace. We were sitting at a park on the playground right after we met when he tore a piece of paper out of my journal and wrote something along the lines of "girl, why you so fly?" Really classy, right? I definitely swooned. Ah, the days of high school and MySpace love. And safety.

None of my boyfriends in high school really wrote much, and none of my boyfriends in college really did/do either. Which is fine, they were all into other things...music, acting, directing, science, being suicidal...Yeah, good times.

Anyway, the reason I was thinking about this was because I watched Sex and the City with Luke tonight. I haven't really seen much of the series (save for my summer in New York when I would stay up late watching episodes online because I had little else to do), but I enjoyed the movie. In it, Carrie is reading a book of love letters to do research for her newest book, and she asks her boyfriend if he has ever written her a love letter. He says no, because they've always been together, and people who write love letters were separated by wars or hundreds of miles.

I just found it interesting to think about. How many people actually get love letters these days?

Here We Go...

So! I've picked a place. I'm moving to Los Angeles.

It'll be a nice change. I'm moving down there at the end of the month. For the first few months I'll be staying with my parents, and then in September I'll be getting a place with my boyfriend. He'll be meeting me down there in July.

It'll be nice to be home again with my family. My mom and I really started bonding over thanksgiving when we made dinner together, so I'm hoping we'll get more cooking time in. Especially since I've really been starting to cook more. And it'll be nice to have an oven that actually cooks at the right temperature! I've found all these recipes that I really want to try out but because my oven sucks I haven't even bothered attempting it! So now I'll get to try them out. Although if I had tried them out here and they sucked I could just blame it on the oven....Hmmm....

And my grandparents live down there now, so I'll get to spend some time with them as an adult, rather than as a child who just says "buy this for me!" multiple times. Of course, there are perks to being down there with them...But I'll really be able to get to know them as people, rather than just as grandparents. I keep trying to convince my grandpa to write a book about his life experiences, but he seems to have trouble with it (the tape recorder doesn't record, he can't type fast enough, he can't hear what he said on the tape recorder, etc...). So maybe I can help him out with that.

It's been really nice living in Chico for the last 5 years, but I think it's time to go. I need more things to do than just sitting at home and watching tv or reading. There are so many places to go down there. And it'll be a nice change of pace. I've also heard that LA is extremely live-able, money-wise. Cheaper than San Francisco, and slightly cheaper than New York. So at least I'll get to have some money getting saved. Hopefully.

My roommates are moving over to Chicago, which is so exciting for them. I'm so proud of them for going after what they want. They'll be great, no doubt about it. I'm guessing they'll be on a show like SNL or something that fits them in no time at all because of how great they are.

I guess that's about it for now. I'm going to go watch some tv.

GLEE!

Ok, so I have a little bit of a shameless plug. As you might have read in previous posts, I am a musical theatre person. I graduated with a BA in Musical Theatre. I was hoping that my loyal fans (all two of you) would vote for me to be a new character on the tv series GLEE, a show about a high school glee club.

Here's HOW TO VOTE:

1. Go To http://www.myspace.com/gleeauditions?link=219140532

2. SCROLL DOWN the page till you see the "GLEEKS" WINDOW and my videos.

3. CLICK the FACEBOOK ICON or MYSPACE ICON in the upper right-hand corner of the "Gleeks" window. This should log you into Facebook or Myspace.

4. CLICK "GIVE A GOLD STAR" (multiple times, VOTING is UNLIMITED)

Also, feel free to spread this around to people!

Even if you don't like the show, or have never seen it...please vote! I know I'm super awkward, but I think that adds to the fun.

Thanks for all your help! I really appreciate it!!

If you don't get it, it's ok. Neither do I.

I feel like life is just a game of chance. Rolling the dice. If I get an even number, I'll move to New York. If I get an odd number, I'll move to San Diego. If it's doubles I'll move to Chicago. Snake eyes and I'll kill myself.

And you never know if you make the right decision, which is what kills me! You can think about something over and over and over and then you finally make the decision to do it, and after it's done, you start thinking of all the things you hadn't thought about before you made the decision. So your decision wasn't really justified because you hadn't thought of ALL the options. And then, once you think you've thought of all the options, you start questioning if you've really thought of all the options because you hadn't thought about all of them before...and the cycle goes on and on.

It's like that alternate universe theory. Like in Sliding Doors, the movie with Gwenyth Paltrow. Her whole life changes just because she did or did not get on the subway at the right time. What happens if you change the decision you think you've made because of other things you've thought of?

I wish I could say that I was on some sort of mind-altering substance to make this post make more sense in the nonsensical way.

In other news, I want to see Alice and Wonderland this weekend.

Reset Button

I need a reset button.

I need a reset button for those nights when I get inexplicably angry at the clock for ticking too loud, or the time for passing too slow or too fast, or at my boyfriend for sitting too close to me when he has every right to do so.

I need a reset button for those times when I feel so wound up from comments that people have made that I want to punch something really hard.

I need a reset button for those times when I feel like listening to any sad, slow love song can turn me into a weeping baby as soon as it comes on.

I need a reset button for the times that I get so tired that all I want to do is sleep, but can't because that's too exhausting.

I need a reset button for the times that I drink too much because of something that happened earlier that day or because of my lack of control.

I need a reset button on the friendships that I've lost, papers that I've misplaced, feelings that I've hidden away.

I need a reset button on my sleeping schedule.

I need a reset button for those times when I became so blindingly mad at my parents or my brothers just for saying something that I didn't quite agree with, or not picking up on what I meant quickly enough.

I need a reset button for my emotions.

Wouldn't life be easier if you had a reset button?