Tonight ended up not being so bad after all.
I accidentally left my phone at home, so when he called me I wasn't around to answer it. I got home around 5:30, saw that he had called, and called him back. He didn't pick up the first time, so I waited about ten minutes, then called again.
"Hey, how are you?"
"I'm ok, starved. Are you hungry?"
"I could definitely eat."
"Ok, where shoud we meet?"
"You were supposed to pick an Italian restaurant..."
"Oh, that's right I was. Well, how about we go to Franky's? That's Italian."
"Sure, I've never been there."
"Ok, how about I'll meet you there at 6 and then drive you home?"
"Sure." (I don't think he knows I have a car.)
I walked to the restaurant, and ended up getting there five minutes early. Asked for a table for two, then sat down. Ten minutes later, he showed up.
"Sorry I was five minutes late."
"Give me a hug."
The conversation started out kind of halted, talking about politics (why does he always bring up politics right away? I wish I cared more. I know, I'm a bad American. Boo freaking hoo.), then slowly moving on to other things. He talked about his trip to Los Angeles last spring and how much he hated living there. How he dated a woman who made him feel insignificant and money conscious, and bored. He said that she said that he was the least affectionate person she knew, and he told me that wasn't true, that he's actually a very affectionate person. He continued to talk about her for a good 10 minutes, telling me all the awful things she did and how she kept bringing him to museums. He said he hates museums. (If you'll recall, I do as well.) He said he likes art that moves, like theatre or music. (I was going to question him on this point, because as far as I know the only theatre he likes is Les Miz and West Side Story, but I decided not to.) I told him about my summer in New York, and how many shows I saw. I tried to name them all, but he makes me nervous and I couldn't remember. He told me that he saw August: Osage County, and we talked about that for a little while. He asked if I was single, I told him I was, but not by choice. He asked if I wanted a relationship. I said I would, but it seems kind of pointless since I'm leaving. He asked "wouldn't this be the time to take time for you?" I asked him if he was single. He said "mostly." He said he doesn't have a girlfriend.
He asked me if I was happy.
I tried to explain to him what I felt, but I couldn't find the words to do it. I told him I was "happyish. Maybe." He asked me what that meant. It took me awhile, but I figured out how to word it so that I was ok with it.
"The summer in New York was so good for me..."
"So you were really in your element there."
"...but it stressed me out a lot too."
"It made me realize that this is my last year of college, and I still need so much training to even be close to the same level as all of those amazing people that are out there right now."
Then he told me that I needed to be involved with theatre somehow for the rest of my life. That he could see what passion it ignited in me, and how happy I seemed when I was talking about it. He said that it didn't matter what capacity it was in - "it could be marketing, or box office" - but I needed it in my life in some way, and he could tell what an important part it is of who I am. I agreed with him. Then he told me that I have secret talents. (News to me.) He said sometimes we never turn out to do the things we think we're going to. He never expected to be a teacher. I asked what he thought he was going to be. He said "a trial lawyer." When I asked him why the change, he said "I couldn't get past the fact that I wouldn't be helping many people."
A little while later he told me I looked sad. I made the excuse that it was my face (because most of the time it is!).
"It's not your face, your natural expression is very lovely."
He looked for our server, then said the next part very quickly: "You look hot, are you sure you don't want dessert?" I laughed, and declined.
He got up to pay for our meal, then came back and sat down.
"I take it back, you don't look sad. You look relaxed and debonair."
"I'll take that over sad!"
And then he asked me what I was thinking.
"You know that's one of the hardest questions to answer?"
"I can think of much harder questions. You know, you can always ask me what I'm thinking? You know I'll tell you anything?"
I felt the awkwardness sliding back in, so I asked for his drink of choice.
"I tell you to ask me anything, and that's what you want to know?"
A few minutes later he asked if we could go hang out at my place. I said sure. We came to my apartment, and he wandered around a little bit. He looked at my room (which was only semi-clean) and my pictures, then told me I hadn't sent him any videos in awhile. I must have looked confused, because he said "of you doing stuff...you know...singing?" That calmed me down a bit (a little more than a year ago I sent him a video of me giving my freshman roommate a lapdance...), then told him I would send him some soon.
Then he told me that next time we should start later, and go out to dinner.
I walked him to the door, he hugged me and said goodbye.