Monday, July 14, 2008

I just don't know.

I feel like some days I'm a better friend than others.

About a month ago, something tragic happened within my non-blood related family. Because of it, I started talking to a girl that I hadn't willingly talked to in about 4 years. Our families are still close, but the two of us had drifted apart because of some unfortunate incidents back in high school.

The tragedy last month was not the only thing that had happened that was bad between the time our friendship disintegrated and now. My mom had told me stories about what was going on in her life, and most of it were things that you would not want to hear. To me, it didn't matter. She was someone distant, someone that I didn't particularly care about anymore. I stayed silent. I never called her, or talked to her, or felt it necessary to reconnect. She had hurt me, I had (maybe) hurt her, I didn't want her back in my life.

But when this happened last month, I felt that I had to do something. I was going to call her, but I couldn't dial the phone. I didn't know how to approach her. A few days passed, and I still hadn't called her or sent her an e-mail, not even a text. I kept meaning to, but I put it off and didn't know how to go about doing it the right way.

The next weekend, I went out to a bar with a friend and got drunk. At 4am, I got a text message from the girl that I kept meaning to talk to. All it said was "Hi." And that's all it took. The next day, I saw her online on facebook, and talked to her for a little bit. I didn't know how to help her, so I asked, and she told me that talking to her was good enough. She just needed someone to talk to. We talked for a little bit that night, sharing stories and memories, just for a little while. I was glad that I was able to help her.

A few nights ago, I saw her online again, and sent her an IM, checking to make sure she was ok. She said that really meant a lot to her.

I don't know what to make of this whole situation. I'm still not sure if I want to have her as someone who is a staple in my life because of our history, but at the same time...we have such a history...

I just don't know.

1 comment:

The Coconut Diaries said...

Sometimes its the ones that hurt you the most that turn out loving you the best. But only sometimes. Other times a-holes will be a-holes. Tragedies might be the perfect time to clean a slate and start over. Time may have changed you both. Of course, only you know the details and you'll make the decision that's right for you. Good luck!